hahahaha good job
This is how we know cats are sent from heaven
This is how we know that whatever trouble cats cause is deliberate
finally…scientific proof!!
open and raw communication with your partner may be uncomfortable and feel so ugly and vulnerable but it solves soo many problems in the end
The idea that was sold to us of "love is effortless and you should communicate telepathically with your partner" is false. Love is awkward as hell. It's A LOT of straight up talking and realization of your self - your own needs. It's important to make those needs heard. Do not deny yourself full love
that idea robs us of so much intimacy, the intimacy that comes with honesty and vulnerability and being known.
“Kill me. Kill me and live with the memory. Then tell the stars that you won.” Is such a metal quote. But it’s from fucking. Warrior Cats.
“The only true borders lie between day and night, between life and death, between hope and loss.” - these cats dealt with heavy shit man
im trying to clean out my school binders and i dont know why but every time i go to throw away schoolwork i always hesitate. ‘what if i want to use this for studying later’ says i, the dumbass, who has not studied, for a single thing, in my entire goddamn life
This is what I woke up to at 7 am
We’ll never reach this level of comedy again… :(
My RDR2 playthrough
Final fantasy
Before you get mad at your partner for not doing what you expect them to do, Stop and ask yourself “have I ever communicated to them that I have this expectation?” If you have not, it’s unfair to expect them to read your mind.
So many arguments are saved by just opening your mouth and saying “hey hun, in the future can you….” Whether its articulating how you like to be loved, supported, or communicated with, you have to open your mouth. Your soul mate (IMO) isn’t the person that just always knows what you need when you need it without you telling them. Your soul mate is the person who hears your needs and thinks “I have no problem doing that because I love this person with my whole heart”
So check your attitude and open your mouth. Closed mouths don’t get fed.
(applies to all relationships)
i’m so in love with domestic sweetness.
cooking dinner with the one you love while they wrap their arms around you. taking quick kiss breaks in between folding fresh laundry. washing each other’s hair in the shower. giggling and rolling around in the fresh sheets you both just finished putting on. dusting while showing off your latest dance moves and having your sweetheart show off their vocals.
it’s so comforting to have someone that you just enjoy making a home with. because chores done with someone you love isn’t such a chore after all.
ppl who think that saying “I love you” to someone a lot makes it lose it’s meaning are so boring literally what could make you think that? if someone tells you they love you like 3 times in an hour it means that 3 separate times they were sitting there and thinking about you and how wonderful you are like. smh. say I love you to everyone that you love as often as possible bc sometimes it’s easy to forget that there are people who love you
“I would enter your sleep if I could, and guard you there, and slay the thing that hounds you, as I would if it had the courage to face me in fair daylight. But I cannot come in unless you dream of me.”
— Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn (via shitiunderline)
do you ever just crave domesticity? to coming home to a partner, meld into them like you do your bed after a long day, soak your mind in the serenity of theirs like a warm bath to soothe the knots in your body, wrap yourself in their warmth and just fucking sigh from pure comfort
maybe the idea that asexuality is an inherently lgbt identity would be the tiniest bit easier to swallow if it weren’t coexisting alongside the idea of asexuality being a spectrum.
because here’s the problem that arises when we assume both of those statements to be true. when asexuality is treated as a spectrum, the word begins to break away from its original definition, “a lack of sexual attraction”, and takes on a new meaning, that being “anyone who has less sex than ‘normal’”. when you combine it with inclusionist rhetoric that insists on the inherent “queerness” of asexuality, the only logical conclusion that can be drawn is that the lgbt community is united only by deviance from a culturally imposed sexual norm. while this may be semi-accurate to an ear untrained in lgbt history and queer theory (for lack of a better word), this ultimately creates more problems than it solves.
it gets even messier when you bring up the idea of a highly sexual or sex-addicted asexual. in recent years, there appears to have been a split between the concept of sexual attraction and the act of having sex. and while, yes, you can have sex with someone without being attracted to them, this has been taken to an extreme in the ace community. meaning, technically, a self-identified asexual could have a high libido, masturbate, fantasize about having sex, want to have sex with a specific other person for recreational purposes, actually have sex with said person, enjoy it, and still be a valid asexual.
the question then becomes, if an ace person can do all of these things and still be asexual, where is the line drawn? what is the exact criteria for being ace outside of saying that you are one? what is the fundamental difference between an asexual and an “””allosexual”””? and most importantly, how can a system of oppression exist for a group that could, by this definition, include literally anyone?
if asexuality is a spectrum, and asexuality is an ostracized, “queer” identity, this implies that there is a “normal” amount of sex a person should be having to be accepted by a society that allegedly oppresses asexuals. so, where is this normal? exactly how little sex should a person be having before they are considered asexual? how on earth is a cis person who only has sex with the opposite binary gender after developing an emotional bond any “queerer” than any other cishet?
and then there’s the issue of aphobia as an axis of oppression and the concept that society wants people to have sex. which, again, is only true if it is not given any thought. society wants us to have sex, but only a very specific kind of sex, that being conventional sex between a cisgender man and a cisgender woman. to imply that a gay person has institutional power over a person who doesn’t have sex is to blindly disregard the history of homophobia and the body count it has left behind.
i think the confusion stems from people using “issues specific to this group of people” and “oppression” interchangeably with one another. asexuals can and do have problems that they as a group face because of their asexuality, but those problems are not being perpetrated or enabled by those in power, and often, so-called “aphobia” stems from rape culture and misogyny, not a bias against asexuals as a group.
going back to the second paragraph here, ace people being lgbt necessitates another shift in definition, and an extremely concerning one at that. an lgbt community inclusive of asexuals (even cisgender ones who do not experience same-gender attraction) is no longer for people oppressed on the social axes of homophobia and transphobia, but for anyone whose sexual preferences differ from what they perceive as the standard of normalcy set by society.
completely disregarding asexuals for a brief moment, let’s consider what other groups might be looking to take advantage of a community operating under this definition and pushing a platform of inclusivity. i’m talking about kinksters and pedophiles. to make it very clear, the only reason i am grouping these people in with asexuals is because all three of them have made repeated and documented attempts to insert themselves into the lgbt community on the basis of sexual preferences they believe are being unfairly discriminated against. while, obviously, no moral equivalency can be drawn between asexuals and pedophiles, ace inclusionism has opened the door to this kind of unwanted attention by shifting public perception of what it means to be lgbt away from a necessary political alliance and towards a fun club for folks who feel a little different. conveniently enough, this sanitization of the spirit of the lgbt community has worked very well for corporations that capitalize on pride month and inclusivity, hence the ace flag on everything.
what people need to understand is that the lgbt community has never been about including everyone, and the recent trend of marketing the lgbt community as accepting of anyone and everyone runs distinctly counterproductive to our political goals. communities are by their very nature exclusive; you can’t just walk into a community that you have nothing in common with and demand a seat at the table so your voice can be heard on issues that don’t affect you. even our allies, important and welcomed as they are, can and usually do understand that their allyship does not make them lgbt, and their input is not always needed or wanted.
to summarize, ace inclusionism and the idea of “the ace spectrum” do away with the boundaries between cishets and lgbt people by making “queerness” about deviance from a sexual norm as opposed to a united front against homophobia and transphobia. in doing so, they have opened the floodgates for a new era of marketing-based faux activism that buries the original purpose of our community and makes us more vulnerable to being infiltrated by cishet sexual deviants/people with paraphillias and capitalists looking to profit off of our history and our pain.
I don’t think it’s asexual people’s fault that kinksters and pedophiles are trying to shoehorn themselves into the community, I think they would do it regardless of if ace people are seen as LGBT or not.
But good point about the spectrum. I think that people absolutely have different libidos, and your libido might also vary during your lifetime, but I don’t think that a cishet person that experiences sexual attraction sometimes is “queer”, even if the attraction happens rarely. They might find the term “demisexual” useful and good for them, but I wouldn’t say they are part of the community. They can be LGBT allies, part of the asexual community, and cooperate with rainbow organizations, but I don’t think they are “queer”.
I don’t know if I want to dive deeper into ace discourse than this, I do think there is a strong pressure in society to have (often heterosexual) sex, and some people might see me, a lesbian, as more “normal” than an asexual person, because I still have sexual desires, even if they aren’t straight. Asexual people are seen as childish and asexuality as something people need to get over. On the other hand, there aren’t laws anywhere against asexuality, and I don’t think many ace children have been kicked out of their homes. Ace people aren’t killed because of their sexuality. If they refuse to (hetero)marry, they might in some cultures receive harassment and abuse. Now some of these things might indeed have to do with misogyny too. I don’t know. But OP’s text was an interesting read!
fair point, and an important thing i left out when i wrote this is that kinksters and pedophiles have a long history of trying to either align themselves with or insert themselves into the lgbt community. although i don’t have any sources on me at the moment, i wouldn’t be surprised if these attempts predated the rise of the asexual community by years or even decades, considering even the oldest group you could reasonably call “the ace community” is still only about twenty years old. i think what i was trying to say is that nowadays, with the growing popularity of social justice rhetoric and the internet, pedophiles, cishet kinksters, and other groups with no reasonable claim to the lgbt community will use the same definition of “queerness” as ace inclusionists to positively portray themselves in a way that normalizes, and in the case of pedophiles, enables them in the public eye.
a comic about intrusive thoughts and late night conversations.
these are just some lilocs named kira and bonnie.
strange-aeons
hummingbird-hooligan
*missing the charging port on my phone* don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it
